QUESTION: A colleague is getting married soon. At the moment, I don’t think I can attend. Do I “have to” give a present? She’s not a close friend. Someone told me that I should give something small, or some money, but I find it weird as I’m not planning to go.
ANSWER: Did she give you an invitation? If so, then put 500 baht or so in the same envelope (minus the invitation) and give it back to her. Your name is already on the envelope. Apologize that you are not able to make it to the wedding. If she did not give you an invitation then you are not obliged to do this. This method is more common than practical gifts for the house. In the picture above, after you have signed the guestbook at the wedding, you need to put your envelope in the box on the table. Or give it to one of the family members later.
QUESTION: What is the amount to give if one is attending a wedding event and where the groom is a close friend too?
ANSWER: That is like asking how long is a piece of string. I would say a minimum is 500 baht. For close friends and for people who have worked for me or with me and I want to support, I would give up to 3,000 baht. Some people say that is too much. But, it is really up to you. For funerals I usually give less as these are often for parents or some distant relations of people that I know.
If you have any tips for giving gifts at a Thai wedding then please post as a comment.
thanks for reminding me that eventually I forgot to give anything
I was so busy around that time.
I am about to get married in Chiang Mai to a lovely lady. We have had a few misunderstandings involving the language barrier. A question i have still not recieved an answer from her family about is the wedding gift money. Who is the money gifted intended for? The bride and groom or the family of the bride? Can you please advise me as to what is correct here and how it is to be approached with the family.
regards,
Craig
The money is seen as a kind of compensation for the bride’s parents. You are basically paying them for their expense in bringing her up. It is also seen as a kind of insurance in case the marriage fails and they will have to look after her again.
These days, it is often seen as a token payment and the bride’s parents would give it back after the marriage. It is all to do with face as they need to show the neighbours during the ceremony how much money was given. But no guarantee they will give it back if they are greedy!
It should also be pointed out if that if your wife-to-be has already been married once and has children then you SHOULD NOT give any “sin sod” money. The parents shouldn’t get this twice!
Thank you Richard.
I am not actually refering to sin sod as this was agreed and willingly given and had been negotiated many months ago. The money I am referring to is the envelopes given at the wedding to us as a couple by all in attendance.
In western weddings, money and or gifts are given to the happy couple to assist in starting their new life together. How does this equate in a Thai/western wedding?
Also, should I be sending thank you cards to all of these people or does the “table hopping” and thanks on the day suffice?
Regards, Craig
Sorry for the misunderstanding. From what I was told, the money we give at weddings, and also funerals, is to help pay for the events. The money is put in the envelope that held the invitation. So, they have your name. However, I have never received a letter of thanks though I have received verbal thanks.
Part of my sin sod arrangement was that as well as giving cash and other consumables, I also paid for the entire wedding which was held with approximately 250 people in attendance. The reason I question the money given in the envelopes is that even the brides parents gave to us in the ceremony envelopes. Why would the parents be giving money to themselves? This whole process has not been cheap by any means and I see all the attendees giving envelopes freely although from what has been told to me, the europeans at the wedding thought they were giving to the newly weds, not the parents and would have given far less knowing such.
If the money is in fact for covering the costs of the event, should then this money not come back to my new wife and myself?? I have given, prior to the wedding, many things of financial benefit to the family apart from the agreed sin sod and worry that the culture barrier and language barrier are being used to take advantage of my finances. My wife has in fact broken down in tears with me at one point when i refused to agree to the familys demands. It is difficult for her being placed in the middle, hence my being here blogging.
Regards,
Craig
Hi, you should be happy to get marry with the woman you really love. However, you should make sure your wife-to-be do really love you too. Otherwise, she will run away with your monies or after you have lost all of your monies due to the spending with her over the years even if after she has your babies after few years of marriage. The matters that you are talking about for the marriage arrangement are small issues. I hope you are not too late to read this. May God bless you.