DON'TS:

Don’t bother paying for a room at a dingy guesthouse, just check into the local temple and stay for free.
Don’t bother having your breakfast and lunch at the market, all that’s free at the temple too!
Don’t bother getting yourself a pricey tourist visa, the 30 day freebie one on arrival will do.
Don’t, if you stay at the guesthouse, get a lonely boring room all to yourself, just ask for the dormitory.
Don’t even think of going to the cinema, you can watch a string of freebie movies at the guesthouse all for the price of a Pepsi.
Don’t go paying for pricey beers at a bar, get sloshed on the 37 baht big Beer Changs at 7-11 first before ‘going out’ and ordering ‘a bottle of water please’
Don’t, when on the islands take any of those darned pricey tuk-tuks, just walk everywhere, you could probably do with the exercise.
Don’t bother taking any of those pricey boat trips to nearby islands, just swim there yourself.
Don’t even think of eating at the guesthouse, the food on the street is twice as cheap and twice as good.
Don’t, when arriving at the airport take one of their Farang-priced taxis, just walk out on to the main road and get the bus.
Don’t bother giving the waitress a tip, she has to be taught that her 100 baht a day salary is more than enough to live on.
Don’t bother taking your dirty laundry to be washed outside, buy some detergent and wash it yourself.
Don’t even bother wasting your money searching the Net, just go ask for freebie advice from other travellers.
Don’t even think of giving money to a beggar, his agent probably has stacks more cash than you.
Don’t bother going for a massage, just do it yerself.

DOS:

Do go for one of those freebie tuk-tuk rides, you’ll only have to pop into the Indian tailor’s shop for ten minutes and say ‘No thank you belly much’.
Do forget about any pricey taxi ride, Bangkok’s little green buses are lots more fun at just four baht a go.
Do just ask for a ‘darned cold Pepsi’, you don’t need to be paying two baht for a glass of ice.
Do, as a Farang guy flirt with any lusty old divorcee with stacks-a-cash, you could end up on a freebie hoilday.
Do, if you get married to a Thai girl explain to her parents that ‘Paying a dowry is well… against my religion’
Do learn a few phrases of Thai, you will be wanting to pay the ‘Thai priced’ admission fees.
Do, as a guy, when you are at a bar, explain to the girls that buying them a coke is ‘bad for their teeth’
Do take the overnight buses everywhere, you don’t need to go wasting your money on a ‘crappy’ airplane ride.
Do, when wanting to buy a new shirt at Chatuchak ask around at 20 different stalls first, you will be wanting the best price going.
And finally, do, as a Farang girl, just flirt a bit with a bunch of the local guys, you don’t need to be buying your own beers!

Well this blog is for all of you right stingy Farang wanting to come to Thailand on the cheapo. Got the idea for this from the forums over there on www.ThailandQA.com our sister site that has had a stack of posts over the past six months reading to the likes of ‘Hey man how much money I need like, if I wanna go to Thailand?”

DOS

Do hire a private detective for a few days; it could be money well spent.
Do get suspicious if you find names to the likes of ‘Ning’; ‘Nong’ and ‘Nat’ on his mobile, they could more than just friends.
Do cook for him and eat together; he would much appreciate and enjoy having a warm family.
Do show the upmost respect to his parents as they arent going to be too happy about you at first.
Do learn some Thai; you do want to verify from his friends his weekend seminars upcountry.
Do dress politely; your sexy tops will not be to his grandmum's liking.
Do do the housework he would very much prefer a wife that loves her new place.
Do try to stay at home as much as possible; he likes a family being together.
Do get up before him and cook his breakfast; he will love you for that.
Do put on sunblock when you go to the beach; he doesn’t want you looking like a country bumpkin.
Do stick food in his mouth at times; he loves to be pampered.
Do be of a similar age or younger than him; you don’t want him to get bored of you.
Do ask him about his hobbies and interests; he wants you to take an interest in him.
Do ask him if the relationship is going to be a serious one; you don’t need him to mess you around just for his fun of it.
Do, if you get married, register it; you will be wanting to sucker the scoundrel of his finances if he runs off with a new girl.

DON'TS:

Don’t drink too much and definitely don’t smoke; he wants you to look presentable.
Don’t even bothering arguing; he wants you to know who is boss.
Don’t get to too open-minded; he is still a little old-fashioned.
Don’t go out at nights; he prefers a girl that stays indoors.
Don’t get too possessive; you don’t need to irritate him too much.
Don’t marry the guy just cause he has loadsa cash, you may be one wife of many in the future.
Don’t talk about marriage straight off; you don’t need to frighten the poor guy about the finances involved.
Don’t try to outsmart him; he wants to feel that he is the one with the ‘leadership’ qualities.
Don’t go telling his parents about your past boyfriends; they want their son to marry a ‘nice innocent girl.
And finally don’t answer back if he tells you off for forgetting to wash his socks; he would prefer an obedient wife.

Well, i got the idea to write this blog actually from a Thai girl brought up in the States. So, i am writing the advice for all the Farang, Eurasian and Thai girls brought up abroad that are interested in dating a Thai guy in Thailand.
Contrary to rumour not all Thai guys cheat on their loved ones. Guys renowned for playing around with other girls are: police, soldiers and guys with stacks a cash!

This list is pretty genuine and I’m not joking, a few of my Thai friends helped me to write it up. As you will see from the list, the BIG differences in mentality between Thai guys and Farang girls. That is the reason why you seldom see a Thai guy with a farang girl unless he has studied or lived abroad.

DON'TS:

Don't arrive at you meeting place after her on the first date.
Don't invite her to a bar/disco on your first date and certainly....
Don't ask her to bed after your first date.
Don't misunderstand if she takes her friend along on your first couple of dates; she's still a little afraid of you.
Don't sweet-talk too much with "Oooh, I love your.." etc; or she'll think you're a playboy.
Don't visit her parents' home if you don’t want to take the relationship too seriously; she doesn't want to lose face if you leave her.
Don't buy her chocolates, she doesn't want to be overweight for you!! and...
Don't invite her for a romantic walk along the beach; she doesn't want to be too darkened for you too!!
Don't complain about this and that all the time; she wants you to be happy.
Don't go complaining about all things Thai; or she won't understand why you chose to live here.
Don't dress like you stay along Khao Sarn Road; she wants to feel proud of you.
Don't tell her about any naughty past adventures in Pattaya; or she'll worry that you will be getting up to some more naughty tricks again soon.
Don't tell dirty jokes and swear out loud; she likes a polite man.
Don't shout at the waitress when she gets your order wrong; she doesn't want you to get all serious!!
Don't boast that you have this and that; she's heard it all before.

DOS:

Do realize that if she calls you she likes you.
Do invite her for lunch and a movie on your first date.
Do buy her small inexpensive gifts from time to time; she'll know that you are thinking about her.
Do be clean and dress neatly; she wants you to smell and look nice.
Do ask her about her mom and dad; she wants you to care about them too.
Do ask to carry her bag for her, she likes a gentleman.
Do speak well about the Thais and her country; she's proud of her country.
Do invite her to make merit at the temple; she'll certainly love that.
Do try and not smoke or drink too much; she cares about you health.
Do realise that Thai girls are very close to their family and.....
Do realise that to get into a serious relationship with a Thai means getting into a serious relationship with the whole of her family; she wants them to love you too.
Do realise that date with you is a serious thing for her.
Do realise when you become her boyfriend she will be thinking about getting married one day; and...
Do realise that if she sleeps with you; she will certainly be thinking about getting married one day.
Do realise that if she takes you to meet her parents; she knows that's the first step to getting married in Thailand.
Do realise that she enjoys doing your washing/cleaning etc..; she wants you to know she would make a good wife.
Do realise that if she asks and cares about your health; she likes you.
Do realise that most Thai girls would prefer a guy that seriously loved her to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash; she wants you to understand that.

Most people know before they come to Thailand for a holiday, that they shouldn't criticize or even comment about the Thai royal family. It is a sensitive subject which could lead to 15 years in prison in extreme cases of lese majeste. Don't make the mistake of thinking that only Thai people will be prosecuted. There have been two recent cases of foreigners being sent to prison. In 2007, Oliver Rudolf Jufer, a tourist from Switzerland, was sentenced to ten years in prison for writing graffiti over portraits of H.M. The King. He was drunk at the time. Just this week, Harry Nicolaides, an Australian teacher and self-published author, was sentenced to three years for writing a few sentences in his book about the romantic adventures of a fictional Crown Prince of Thailand.

All of this gives first-timers the wrong impression of the Thai monarchy. Unlike some European royal families, H.M. The King actually does deserve all of the adoration that he receives. Over his long and full life he has achieved much, not only personally but also for his loyal subjects. He has traveled to all corners of the Kingdom helping people who are in need of assistance. When people say "Long Live the King" in Thailand, they really do mean that.

It has been said that several hundred years ago, you weren't even allowed to look at royalty. According to some stories, whenever the king left the palace he was accompanied by archers. Their job was to shoot out the eyes of anyone who dared glance at the monarchy. Things have changed now and even the present King has been quoted as saying that he is not above criticism. However we still need to make sure that we obey all royal protocol.

Newspaper editors have to be very careful about where they position pictures of the royal family on the page. Recently, Jonathan Head, the Bangkok bureau chief for the BBC, was accused of lese majeste because of the position of the King's picture on the BBC website. In preference it should be above the fold without any other picture above it. Obviously this is not always possible, but editors must never juxtapose a picture of the royals with say a murderer or a particularly gruesome car accident. As a webmaster, we also have to be careful. Though of course that isn't easy with blogs.

Last year the Thai newspaper Thai Rath got into some trouble about a picture they ran. They had a picture of a group of Thai students who had just won an international award for a robot competition. Two of the people in the picture were holding portraits of H.M. The King. It was a good story, but the newspaper didn't want to run the picture above the fold. Secondly, one of the students holding the picture was sitting on the floor with the image of the H.M. The King near his feet. In Thai society the feet are considered dirty. Other students were standing behind this boy with their heads being higher than the portrait. The editors wanted to run the story but they had a dilemma about royal protocol. What they decided to do in the end was to photoshop out the picture of H.M. The King. They were hoping no-one would notice. But of course, everyone did and Thai Rath was accused of being disloyal to the monarchy.

If you want to have your pictures of the royal family published, then here are some tips from Bumrung Phankaek, a royal photographer.

# Avoid a photo that might be lower the family member's dignity. For instance, if the royal person is very short compared to someone nearby, take a photograph with both sitting on a sofa.

# A photo of the royal person eating or drinking is prohibited.

# Shoot a photo only at an eye-level angle. It's not possible to publish a royal photograph shot from a high angle because this is considered as defamation of royal honour.

# It is prohibited to take royal photograph during movement from lower and higher ground, such as taking a stair step.

# For a close-up photo of a royal smiling face, always leave some blank space over the top of the photo while taking a shot. This is to avoid missing of some part of the head, in which case you cannot use it.

# You will have to stay at least five metres away while taking a photo.

# Only an SLR or film slide camera is allowed. Compact or digital cameras are prohibited for taking a royal photo due to their ease to edit for improper use.

# Before publishing any royal photograph, it is strongly recommended to ask permission from the royal office.

A picture of King Rama VI with his governmental ministers

I have seen quite a few pictures of people posing with royal family members. Nearly always the royalty are sitting on a chair and everyone else is sitting on the floor. No-one wants to be positioned where their head is higher than royalty. However, just a few weeks ago, Prime Minister Abhisit was criticized by the opposition M.P.'s for a photo released showing him sitting on a chair next to H.M. The King (see picture at the top). Both chairs were at the same level. The Prime Minister's office countered by saying that the PM was invited to sit their by H.M. The King.

What is interesting to note is the old photo of King Rama VI above. Can you spot him among his governmental ministers? He is sitting in the first row, four chairs from the right. You won't see pictures like that these days. Makes you wonder if some people are taking this law too far. It is sad that in recent years, politicians and also members of the public, are using the lese majeste law for their own personal benefit. Anyone can accuse their enemies of lese majeste in order to bring them down.

Long Live the King!

Thailand holidays are not all about beaches and elephants. Thailand has far more to offer than that. Try your best to experience the culture and life of the local people. Here are some more of my tips on how to make the most out of your holiday in Thailand.

DO'S

* Do run up the nearest hill and not go look for the sea if you see that the sea isn’t there, it will come back Tsunami-style, it is a scientific fact.
* Do get rid of that big hairy moustache, you won’t get a part on a Bollywood movie here.
* Do, as a guy, ‘dress-up’ when going to a disco and not wear shorts, your hairy legs will not impress the local girls.
* Do be careful when walking along a Bangkok street at night, falling down a manhole is not a memorable experience.
* Do as the locals do and barge your way on to the bus, you don’t need to be stood at the bus stop all day.
* Do realise that the Bridge over the River Kwai ought to be pronounced ‘Kwae’, you don’t want to inform the locals you are off to see the Bridge of the Buffalo.
* Do, as a girl, not sit next to a monk on the bus, the poor fellow does not need to dash off the bus at the next stop.
* Do cover up or put on repellent, allowing the mosquitoes to bite you for the fun of it, isn’t a very wise idea.
* Do put on a strong sun-block on your first day at the beach, you don’t want to resemble a tomato.
* Do eat out, the guesthouse cuisine is as close to original Thai food as Pizza Hut is to Italian.
* Do watch a Thai movie, they aren’t as bad as you think.
* Do go for a 100 baht haircut, you will be impressed by the service.

DON'TS

* Don't bother showing your map of Bangkok to a tuk-tuk driver, he doesn't even know where Thailand is on a world map.
* Don’t jump into the big water container when taking a shower, it for water to be scooped out of, not for you to dive in to.
* Don’t, as an American brag about everything American, the Thais prefer everything Japanese these days.
* Don’t, when finding a dead chicken cook it up for dinner, you don’t need to come down with the Chicken fever.
* Don’t walk up and down the beach bare-footed, Thailand’s creepy-crawlies are not the world’s friendliest.
* Don’t go wearing one of those big farmers’ hats in Bangkok, you don’t want the locals to have a right laugh, at your expense.
* Don’t complain about the hotels’ standards here in Thailand, you won’t exactly get a $15 room in your own country.
* Don’t complain about Thailand’s politicians, ours aren’t exactly worth writing home about.
* Don’t go popping any chemicals before entering a Bangkok disco, you don’t need to be pee-pee checked by the local police.
* Don’t, when going to a disco take home a girl you have just met, you don’t want to wake up to find an empty room.
* Don’t go walking across a zebra-crossing without looking both ways first, you don’t need to be the recipient of a nasty hospital bill.
* Don’t go complaining about the standard of acting on Thai TV, it isn’t the actors’ fault they are that bad.
* Don’t go putting a bottle to your mouth without wiping it clean first, you don’t know how many dogs have mistaken it as a small tree.
* Don’t go dozing off underneath a coconut tree, you may not live to regret it.
* Don’t arrive at the airport on an over-stay with no cash left, you don’t need the company of 200 cell-mates for the next few nights.
* Don’t take a Khao San Road upcountry bus, you don’t need one of their villians to go through your luggage when you are asleep.
* And finally, don’t feel insulted by the word Farang, it is not derogatory.

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Visit www.ThailandGuidebook.com for help in planning your next holiday in Thailand.

Here are some useful "Do's and Don'ts" for your next holiday or extended stay in Thailand:

DON’TS

* Don't take up any offer of a ten baht tuk-tuk ride or you will be taken for one BIG ride.
* Don't complain about the standard of English here, your Thai language skills aren't exactly that hot.
* Don't try on a t-shirt if you aren't going to buy it, the vendor doesn't need the smell of your hairy armpits all over her goods.
* Don't go walking around Bangkok shirtless hoping for a good tan or you will get a right tanning at the nearest police station.
* Don't go throwing your cigarette butt around downtown Bangkok, you don't want to be made a few dollars less off.
* Don't feed a 20 baht bunch of bananas to an elephant on the street, you don't want to promote cruelty to animals.
* Don't buy a rose from a child beggar at night, you don't want to promote child labour.
* Don't take the advice from a taxi who recommends you go for a naughty massage, he's not taking you there cause he likes you.
* Don't buy a Buddha Image for household decoration, it doesn't belong on top of your TV.
* Don't take advice from any Farang who has spent the past 20 years sitting on a bar stool at a bar-beer in Pattaya, he knows nothing.
* Don't come here for 3 years and complain about all things Thai, or the locals will ask "Why don't you go home?"
* Don't presume she fancies you just cause she asks where you stay, questions like that are the 'norm' here.
* Don't dictate to the Thais about their Human Rights, our records are nothing to boast about.
* Don't argue with a Pattaya songthaew driver, you don't need a plank of wood over your head.
* Don't whistle to the King's anthem in the cinema, the Thais are rather sensitive about such things.
* Don't walk around drinking a bottle of beer, you don't want to be mistaken as a drunkard.
* And finally, don't walk around Chatuchak with all your valuables in your handbag, you may seriously regret it.

DOS

* Do get off the beaten track, there is more to Thailand than just writing boastful postcards and drinking banana shakes.
* Do learn how to say a few Thai dishes in Thai, you don't just want to eat Phat Thai and Fried Rice throughout your entire stay.
* Do buy gemstones at a reputed establishment, the tuk-tuk drivers recommendations are nothing to be desired.
* Do dress politely, you don't want to be seen as having no self-pride.
* Do give a tip at a nice restaurant, not everything the Lonely Planet states is true.
* Do, if you wish, donate money to a respectable charity for the underprivileged, and not some dodgy beggar on Silom.
* Do keep your alcohol consumption under control, or you will enjoy a free breakfast as guest of the Corrections Dept.
* Do say 'Hello' to the local kiddies, the local adults won't think you are a kind of a pervert like in the west.
* Do take a shower regularly, you sweat and get more smelly here than you do back home.
* Do take your shoes off when entering a Thai house, they don't need your sandals dirtying the floor.
* Do have respect for their religion, in their eyes your religion is just as 'weird'.
* Do speak politely to the authorities, you don't need to be sat around all day.
* Do be careful and ask around first if you want to see a ping-ping a-go-go show on Patpong,you don't want to be relinquished of all your cash.
* Do be patient, the Thais don't appreciate Farang who lose their temper just cause the waitress got the order wrong.
* Do, as western girls, dress modestly in the Muslim areas of the south, you want to be seen in a good light.

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The photograph was taken at The Rose Garden in Nakhon Pathom. Visit www.ThailandGuidebook.com for help in planning your next holiday in Thailand.